ACOJE ONLINE COMMUNITY

hold your breath, kaya nu ba to?

Web Page Name

yaikss

<object><param></param><param></param><embed></embed></object>

kaya nu ba to?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcmFgxYGilk

PH Care

Mag-kasintahan naguusap...

Boy:Honey bat ganyan pa rin amoy ng ano mo e d ba binilhan na kita ng ph care d ba?

Girl:Ewan ko nga kung bakit e, Pero umiinom naman ako ng isang kutsara araw-araw

Pagkatapos ng 10 years na pagtratrabaho sa Saudi umuwi si Mister. So pagdating na pagdating niya bumili siya ng mga bagong gamit sa bahay, natunugan e2 kaya niloob sila; ninakaw lahat ng gamit, pera at ni-rape ang kanyang asawa...
Mrs: Hon, bakit ka umiiyak dahil ba ninakaw ang mga gamit natin
Mr: Hindi, kaya pa nating bilhin uli yon
Mrs: Pala eh, dahil ba sa wala na tayong pera
Mr: Di rin, pera lang yon at kikitain ko pa yon
Mrs: Eh anong pinag-e-emot mo? dahil ba sa ni-rape ako? di ko naman kagustuhan yon ah...
Mr: Say mo! Kitang kita ko noong hinugot ng mama yong kanya hinabol mo pa???????????

May dalaga na gustong magtrabaho overseas ang nagpa physical sa isang hospital
Doc: Eneng ang laki laki ng puki mo. Eneng ang laki laki ng puki mo.
Ms: Si doc naman inulit pa
Doc: Di naman ah, isang beses ko lang sinabi, baka "nag-echo" na
Pasok si Nars
Doc: Bakit daw
Nars: Doc hihiramin ko sana yong ball pen ninyo pero bakit thermometer ang nasa bulsa ninyo
Doc: Siyete kaninong puwit kaya napasaksak yon

Quote of the day:

"A good friend is like a good bra -
Hard to find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always lifts you up
Makes you look better

And - always - close to your heart ".

FINAL TEST

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a beautiful, sexy nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she came to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos, as she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in some nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up......then all the other bells started ringing!!!

Somewhere in the Middle East
We were on our way to work when one of our carpool drivers (Courtney) was whining about the way the Arabs drove…and keep yupping
Courtney: These people drives me nuts, they are crazy!
So I asked: What do you call the cloth they put around their heads?
Courtney: “Rags”
So I said: Don’t you Americans have an expression that when a female gets “cranky” you say “SHE’s on the RAGS” (TINUTUPAK)?
Courtney: Yes
Same here, but they are always “ON THE RAGS …” kaya lang kako kayong mga babae sa baba... d2; sila, sa ulo
Courtney: Hmm…U are crazier than them
Well say ko: Thanks for the compliment!
So one night, it was my turn to drive and I was with Ofelia (Filipinang nagkakape)
Ofelia: Ay Bert ang bilis bilis mo... nakakatakot d2 sa lane na kinuha mo
So sagot ko: Ay bruha, e2 ang pinakasafe na lane, dahil pag nasa right hand lane ka maraming pumapasok o nage-exit, sa midlle lane naman pag nagkaroon ng aberya may sasakyan sa kaliwa at kanan mo so ipit ka. At least d2 sa left lane may shoulder kang magagamit para umiwas.
Ofelia: Ayaw ko nga…kasi ini-ilawan ang PUWET ko!
So I said: Ay sosyal…anong gus2 mong “ilawan” HARAP MO???

Si Pedro dumating galing Saudi Arabia:

Pag kauwi sabi nya kay Inday: Inday 5 taon akong tigang grabe to nilulumot na ata

sabi naman ni Inday: naku Pedro paano yan may regla ako

sabi ni Pedro: ganun ba? eh di sa pwet na lang dy

sabi ni Inday: sori, may almuranas ako

K! sabi ni Pedro: sa bunganga na lang ha

sabi ni Inday: eh kabubunot ng ipin ko

K! sabi ni Pedro: sa ilong na lang kaya

sagot ni Inday: may pimples

nagalit si Pedro sabay hila sa ulo ni Inday at sabay sabi kay Inday: wag mong sabihing, may luga ka!

sagot ni Inday: mayroon nga (joke by: Bonthird)

Trick or Treat…WITCH JOKE:

Question: Bakit walang panty ang mga witches pag lumilipad

Answer: To get a better GRIP!
Kaya walang witch na lalaki dahil mahuhulog sa walis at pag nahuli di rin puwedeng i-STAKE (tuhugin).

July, bakit ang aso pag matigas ang ulo SINISIPA?
ang bata pag matigas ang ulo PINAPALO?
pero bakit ang TITI pag matigas ang ulo HINAHAPLOS at SINUSUBO?

3 nuns died and went to heaven where they were met by St. Peter:
St.Peter says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want"
1st nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and POOF she's gone
2nd says, "I want to be Madonna" and POOF she's gone
3rd says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini"
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says
"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell"
The nun then takes a newspaper and hands it to him
He reads the paper and starts laughing. "No Sister; your eyes must be really bad but wants real actions, this says 'Sahara Pipeline, laid by 500 men in 7 days'!"

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were yapping. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"You know, WHEN: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.
"The problem is," she complained, "He wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you attain orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "Hon, you're never home when it happens!"

GERMANY
My 3rd duty station was in Hessisch Oldendorf, Germany. They picked us up at the Airport in Hamburg and somewhere along the way the bus driver pulled over the “Autobahn”, took a few steps, and relieved himself on the side of the road.
I was laughing my ass off coz I thought peeing on the side of the road is genuinely Macho Pinoy stuff (Duh!).
One of the young American ladies commented…”EEEWWW! That’s GROSS…”
The German driver overheard her comments. Elated, he boarded the bus and shook the lady’s hand, when he came back, and said: “Danke Schone meine Frau (translated—Thank you my lady)…meine es normal!”
The lady was perplexed and asked: “What was that all about?”
A translator goes: “Well, he thought when you said GROSS; he assumed that you told him that he was endowed as “GROSSE” means ENORMOUS or BIG!
So the young American lady mumbled: “Yuck! THAT’S REALLY GROSS…”

PHILIPPINES/MALAYSIA
During the term of President Ramos, the Malaysian Prime Minister paid a state visit to the Philippines.
On their way to Malacanyang Palace, Prime Minister Mahatir noticed Pinoys peeing and aiming at the walls???
So, he commented to Fidel that: “In our country, we have public toilets everywhere and Malaysians don’t do this nasty stuff.”
Ramos just smiled and said that: “Give them a break…they’re just relieving themselves”
As statesman, PM Mahatir returned the favor and invited President Ramos to Malaysia.
On their way to the PMs residence, Ramos noticed a bunch of guys peeing and aiming at the walls???
President Ramos saw an opportunity to get back at PM Mahatir so he said: “I thought Malaysians don’t do this nasty stuff.”
Mahatir simply smiled and said: “Yes, Malaysians don’t. I’m giving those guys a break coz they are your homeboys…PINOY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS!!!”

TILL DEAHT DO US PART

An ageing couple were afraid there might be no life after death, so they made a pact that whoever went first would return with news of what lies beyond. The husband was the first to go, and shortly after his funeral, his spirit paid a visit.
'Is that you, Harry?' said his wife.
'Yes, I've come back, like we agreed,' he replied.
'What is like?' she asked.
'Well I get up in the morning and I have sex. Then I have breakfast, go off to the golf course and have sex; I sunbathe and have sex twice. Then I have lunch, go around the golf course again, then have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper it's back to the golf course, then have sex untill late at night,'
'Oh Harry, you really are in heaven,' said his astuonded wife.
'Not exactly,' I'm a rabbit in a golf course in Surrey.'

'Courtesy by the WIVES' BOOK who's good at everything'

mwaaaaa more pleaseeeeeee hehehe manong boy naalala mo pa pala un hehehe more jokes pa manong boy
kaarubang albi meron ka palang tinatago dyan more pa hehehe

May isang ngongong pumalaot at on the way nakakita siya ng lamp na lumulutang. So, kinuha niya eto, pinaghahalikan at binuksan
Well, well, well as the story goes…labas si Genie offering the traditional 3 wishes
Wish #1: Ngusto ko raming kain
Genie: There! and foods were plentiful
Ngo2: Ngusto ko laki haus
Genie: Presto! a big house complete with appliances and furniture
Last wish: Ngusto ko maging POGI
Genie: Maususunod po…POOF!
Ngo2: (KINAPA ang mukha), Galing naman at balbas sarado na ako pero bakit may hiwa ang mukha ko
Genie: Master ang pakinig ko sa wish mo ay gusto mong maging PUKI
Reklamo si Ngo2: "LANG NGANYANAN" POGI last wish ko… pero ang bigkas at pakinig ni Genie PUKI...siyempre hirit si bida at i-reverse na lang daw ang wish, di bale ng ngongo huwag lang ekek (hurt naman yan?)
But Genie stood her ground: Sori Master at hanggang 3 wishes lang talaga ako…so, HAVE FUN and ENJOY na lang neh

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it Yong mga "sexten" hours diyan pls heed