JOKE TIME

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Little Leroy
Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Leroy is a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, t hought he did.
Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bi ke for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Leroy T.

Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Leroy

Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3:

Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Leroy

Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he wrote another letter.

LETTER 4:
Dear God,
I know I haven 't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Leroy

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.
Leroy's Mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.
Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Lero y began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 5:
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Lessons from Tito Boy:
Lara why did 6 got scared of 7
Lara: Because seven ate nine and ten
Bryan what will u say pag umutot ka sa school
Bryan: Like Forest Gump...”Fire in the hole!”
Jeremy what will say if teacher ang umutot sa school?
Jeremy: Ma’am/Sir, “BLESS U”

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry : "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go
to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks : "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "

San Jose, California
My youngest sister grow up in the states, so 1 day coming home from grade school may dala siyang class photo
Rho: Laarni the one right next to you is he a Filipino?
Laarni: No! We have an open house coming so if you come, you can ask him yourself.
My sisters attended and tried to meet all attendees, teachers and students alike. As soon as they got home they asked her again about the kid right next to her…so 1 of my sisters goes….
Yeng: You lied!
Laarni: Na ah, I did not, cause when my teacher asked us who was born in the Philippines he did not raise his hand. BTW, he is not a Filipino he is TAGALOG!
We speak Ilocano in the house so my poor sister thinks that way.

Magkapatid (local, Pinas)
Taba: Ang sama sama ng lasa ko
Jose: Bakit naman daw
Taba: Kasi nagtatae ako
Jose: Pambihira ka naman kapatid!!! Paano nangyari yan eh wala na nga kayong makain???

Newly Married Chinese Couple
After a long night the wife nudges the husband
Wife: Sweetheart I like 69
Husband: Sweetheart it’s only 3 O’Clock in the morning and you want---“SWEET & SOUR PORK?”
Akala ninyo ha…………….sinabi ng wholesome

august82357 · **Posted:** Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:29 am

Kuya Boy, wala akong jokes, eh. Gusto ko lang sabihin sau na sumakit na naman ang tiyan ko sa katatawa, hahahaha!

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

August thanks! uwi na...kong saan saan ka pa gumagala...here's my joke for you--sana di mo pa narinig or nabasa:

Priest: Ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit
Mga bakla: Carry lang po father...dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide! !!

linda · **Joined:** Sun May 24, 2009 6:37 am **Posts:** 356

Kuya Boy saan mo ba napupulot mga jokes mo, sumakit na tiyan ko sa katatawa, galing ng 69 mo, he, he.

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Miami, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Helps With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Helps with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

***
Mga sikat na salawikain:
Better late than pregnant.
Kapag may tiyaga, good luck!
Aanhin pa ang damo...kabayo ba ako?
Do unto others, then, run! Run! Run!
Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.

***
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala...
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!

***
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! Wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

***
Pedro: Pare balita ko bading ka daw. totoo ba?!
Ed: Pare, Mga chismax lang 'yun galing sa mga chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn nila.... chura nila! hmpf!

***
Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
Girl: Bakit?!
Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!
Girl: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
Boy: Yun nga eh...gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!

***
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

***
Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners :
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!

***
Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

***
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta yung may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Ha, eh di, ..... Baraha.

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Plantsa
Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?
Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono. Aksidenteng na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!

GAY BAR
1 binatilyo pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit
Nanay: ano naman ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
Binatilyo: si Tatang po gumigiling.

LOTTO WINNER
Wife shouting..... "Honey mag-impake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"

BEAUTY CONTEST
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

Umuwi si Inday
Inday: Maam, magpapaalam na po ako. Uuwi na po ako sa probinsya.
Maam: Nagpaalam ka na ba sa sir mo?
Inday: Nauna na po siya. Doon na raw po kami magkikita!

"Si Mister"
Pag-uwi ni mister, nadatnan niya ang misis niyang naka-sexy lingerie.
Say ni misis, "Itali mo ako, tapos, gawin mo ang nais mong gawin!"
Dali-daling itinali ni mister si misis.
Pagkatapos? tinira ni mister ang katulong.

LADY visits her doctor again
DOC: You look sicker and exhausted than before. Are you having 3 meals a day as advised?
LADY: What? I thought... you said 3 MALES a day!

Papansin si Inday
INDAY: Ang guwapo ni sir, ano kaya ang gagawin ko para mapansin ako? Ah ilagay ko nga sa mesa ang panty ko.
SIR: Kaninong panty to?
INDAY: Akin po.
SIR: May tae.

RIZAL: Alam mo, Maria Clara, ikaw talaga ang pinakamahinhin babae na nakilala ko
MA. CLARA: (! Ngiti, sabay takip ng abaniko sa mukha) Bolero! Hilahin ko kaya ang titi mo…

august82357 · **Posted:** Sun Sep 06, 2009 4:42 am

Kuya Boy, haan ko kayat nga agawid. Adamet ti icontribute ko ditoy. Mabainak met kenyam, hehehe!

*******************************************************************MANNY PACQUIAO JOKES*****************************************

CHAVIT: MANNY, paki acknowledge naman c 1st Gentleman, late dumating, ayun kadadaan lang tabi ng ringside.,

PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.

********************************************************************

Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name?

Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin… “MANKY” ....Harhar.

*********************************************************************

Pacquiao: honey, buksan mo na yung sweets...
Jinky : lambing mo talaga. mwah !! nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!

*************************************************************************

C Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar.....GenSan?
Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... .ang masasabii ku lang diyan ay....
Reporter: ano..?
Manny: ahh, kwan,....maraming Fish sa GenSan pero wala maxado umo-Order..

***************************************************************************************

Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk

Manny: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron... Manhid ka lang!

***************************************************************************************

Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!

- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.. =)

*****************************************************************************************

-Sa Las Vegas-

Waiter: May i take ur order, madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!

********************************************************************************************

'you iS!'

'you is!'

'you is!'

-sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pgdating sa Amerika. Andito na aq sa 'you is!'

******************************************************************************************

Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.

Manny: oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.

Dionisia: Hndi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh..

Manny: Talaga nay? Anu?

Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

bwahahaha!!!

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Para sa Grand Re-union Attendees.

P1: Pare mukhang happy ka, ah
P2: Grabe pare “as in” kasi uuwi ang klasmeyt kong galing overseas … EXCITED na EXCITED na ako!
After 1 week nagkita ang magkaibigan
P1: Pre, mukhang disappointed na disappointed ka? La ka bang nadaling pasalubong?
P2: Marami
P1: Ano bang ibinigay sa iyo?
P2: Maraming! Maraming………KUMUSTA!

linda · **Joined:** Sun May 24, 2009 6:37 am **Posts:** 356

galing mo kuya boy clap!...clap....clap.

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Linda, magready ka para hindi KUMUSTA at clap!...clap....clap... ang PASALUBONG

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down the road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied,
"In-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day.... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we

have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our
coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........... "HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5 :00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of
paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

linda · **Joined:** Sun May 24, 2009 6:37 am **Posts:** 356

ha, ha, ha kuya boy lagi naman akong ready eh. kaya di ako tigang.

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

ANAK: 'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?
INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!

What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines ?
In the US , they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!

Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose ...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo![/size]

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Mom: baby, your good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!! Maraming maraming salapat po, at may mababaon na ako

Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!

Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder... "WAAAAAHHHHHH! !!!" screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi akong driver ng funenaria

Isang lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso
Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag kang sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

august82357 · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:38 am

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if
their entry is Restricted!

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Q: Why is $ex like shaving?
A: Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

Q: What will happen if the earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over,
but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later

I was told that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

brenilda · **Posted:** Thu Sep 24, 2009 3:11 pm

SUMASAKIT TALAGA TIYAN KO SA KATATAWA!!!!!!!!!!!!! KABAG !!!!!!!!!

PARA AKONG CRAZY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MORE..............................

HELLO MANONG BOY, GOODFRIEND AUGUST

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

Anecdote of Magsaysay
When Magsaysay was still President the masses came to him and complained about the high prices of food. So he summoned his Economic adviser and tried to get an answer.
Magsaysay: Our people came to me and asked why the prices are so high
Economic Adviser: Sir the situation is caused by the LAW of Demand and Supply
Magsaysay: What is this LAW of Demand and Supply?
Economic Adviser: Sir, that is when the demand is high and the supply is low then the prices will be high and when the demand is low and the supply is high then the price will be low
Magsaysay: Okay, I will go to Congress tomorrow and have that LAW REPELLED

Norberto Cacabelos Jr. · **Joined:** Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 pm **Posts:** 411

NURSE
Dumalaw ang taga Acoje sa isang kaibigan niyang taga Acoje
Pagkaupo
Pareng dinalaw: Nurse, Nurse dalhan mo nga kami ng dalawang beer d2
Pareng dumalaw: Pare asensado ka na at may sarili ka ng Nurse
Tapos lumabas ang isang batang maganda na dala dala ang dalawang beer
Pareng dinalaw: Di pare, siya si Nurse, anak nang ina-anak mo pinag-aaral ko sa Baguio at di raw siya uuwi hanggang di nakakatapos ng Nursing. Sukat ba naman ang batang yan ang inatupag at di natapos kaya Nurse ang tawag ko

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