ACOJE ONLINE COMMUNITY

PANGARAP

Nagkita kita ang mga taga Acoje at napagusapan ang kanilang mga pangarap

Debz/Nikki: Kami gusto naming maging Doctor para matulungan namin ang mga may sakit na kababayan nating taga Acoje

Annie: Ako’y gusto ko ang maging Nurse para matulungan ko rin ang mga may sakit na kababayan nating taga Acoje

Leo: Ako’y gusto kong maging Lawyer para matulungan ko ang mga nawawala sa landas na taga Acoje

Arnel: Gusto kong maging Congressman para makagawa ako ng mga batas para matulungan ko ang mga kababayan nating taga Acoje

Crash/Ebrowski/Atos: Kami naman ang kabu-uan ng inyong mga pangarap dahil ang gusto namin maging TAGA ACOJE

Nice Sir Boy......
Extra pla ako dito..........

When I was in third grade, uso ang marble noon…we play “joleens” (not Jolyn’s) before class starts and during recesses…Ms Lucas was having a cow and fuming as lots of kids are coming to class late. So, she goes, I want all of you who have marbles to give it up. So, I bravely raised my hand…
“Yes Norberto!”
Ma’am I have 2 but, I can’t remove them…
For a moment, I thought she will eat me alive…Febronia discreetly turned around and put both of her hands in her face.

In fourth grade, were learning the Judiciary branch of our government.
Mrs. Loba: Name the different courts
Student 1: Municipal Court
Student 2: Court of Appeals
Student 3: Court of the First Instance
Student 4: Supreme Court
Norberto: Tennis Court
Mrs. Loba: Leti ca Norberto (in Zambal, hope I spelled it right)!

Insan grew up in the province so di cya matatas sa Tagalog. The 1st time as a patient, he was asked: What happened?
Dr. Pareja: Cabaccang ano ang nangyari sa iyo?
Insan: Kinagat po ako ng Baboy (as a butcher at the Slaughterhouse).

The next time, he went with some friends to gather mushrooms in the Forest.
Dr. Pareja: Cabaccang ano na naman ang nangyari sa iyo??
Insan: Doc kinagat po ako ng ahas.

After some time he came back to be seen and doc seeing the consistent streak of being beaten goes
Dr. Pareja: Cabaccang huwag mong sabihing kinagat ka na naman???
Insan: (lost w/ words and not knowing how to say I was punctured by a nail in Tagalog...with no hessitation he answered) ...Opo doc, kinagat po ako ng pako!

One of the miners got in trouble for stealing a pig and was taken to the Police Station for questioning
Investigator: Inireport ng kapitbahay mo na ninakaw mo raw ang isang baboy nila
Miner: Hindi po sir!
Investigator: Hindi po sir! Ka diyan… eh anong ginagawa nong baboy sa bahay mo?
Miner: Wala po sir!
Investigator: Yong totoo…
Miner: Sir! Di ko po siya ninakaw! NA-AWA lang ako sa biik dahil iyak ng iyak kaya dinala ko sa bahay!

A couple of my friends from Sections 1 & 2 were ribbing each other about dialects of their tribes:
So, one goes…
Your katribo was lost in Manila so, he asked a passerby
Katribo: “Nasaan ba rito ang stasyon ng Dangwa hek!
Passerby: “Adi ka ket mentag-Tagalog ta intaku ket menkape hek!” (Translated: “Quit missing with me, we are homeboys—stop speaking with me in Tagalog and let’s go drink some coffee HEK!”)
Oh, well…

MAGANDANG DAHILAN
Pagkatapos ng mahabang habulan inabutan din ang Highway Patrol ang kaskaserong driver
Patrolman: Hayuf ka pinahirapan mo ako. Pasalamat ka at kaarawan ko ngayon kaya bigyan mo ako ng magandang dahilan para hindi kita hulihin
Driver: Sir, kc last month itinanan ng isang pulis ang asawa ko
Patrolman: Eh ano at anong kinalaman ko diyan
Driver: Sir, dahil sa ayaw ninyo akong tantanan ang boung akala ko ay hinahabol ninyo po ako para isauli ninyo sa akin ang Misis ko

DI MAKABAYAD

Edwin: Pare bakit malungkot ka
Gado: Kasi nahospital si Misis at ang laking pera ang nagastos at hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng pambayad
Edwin: Di ilabas mo na ng di pa madagdagan ang iyong babayaran
Gado: Problema nga pare at di sila papayag hanggang di ko sila nababayaran
Edwin: Ipa-REMITA mo na siya!
Gado: OO nga ano???

NAWALA

Doc: Ang tagal na rin natin ginagamot ang hika mong yan. Subukan mo kayang mo kayang buksan ang bintana mo pag natutulog ka para mawala ang hika mo

Pasyente: Sige doc try ko

Next visit

Doc: Musta na? Sinunod mo bang payo ko na buksan mong bintana at sana nga ay may nawala sa iyo?

Pasyente: Oo doc, NAWALA ang cell ko, Ipod, MP3 at PC pero di ang hika ko!!!

INTERVIEW 4 CITIZENSHIP
Isang matandang Ilocana ang ini-interview bago xa magti-take oath 4 US Citizenship
Interviewer: What are the 3 branches of the government
Ilocana: Executive, Legislative and Judicial
Interviewer: What is the National Anthem?
Ilocana: Star Spangled Banner
Interviewer: Who is the president of the United States?
Ilocana: (Perplexed and dumbfounded she started scratching her head) Ay APO nagregatten…
Interviewer: Correct it’s President Reagan…you can come back on 4th of July to take oath
Ilocana: What

MADE IN ILOCOS
Back in the early 80’s the aluminum can started cropping up as drink containers…
A bunch of Filipinos were having a drink. Gino Ablang was a very proud Ilocano and after a few drinks started talking shit. He stopped and goes…”Check this Budweisser out?”
Rest: What are you talking about?
Gino: Look at this can, it’s from Ilocos…
Rest: How so?
Gino: Read it…it says ALLA UMINOM CAN (ALL ALUMINUM CAN).

Tawa muna kayo.
Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your
previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
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Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!
Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"
Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"
Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o,'SAFARI'."
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> >________________________________________________________________
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Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!"
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POSITION TIPS!!!!

Patayo: MAHIRAP
Patagilid: MASARAP
Paupo: SWAK NA SWAK
Pahiga: SWABE
Patuwad: Ewan ko, kc…….......hindi ko pa nasubukan mgTEXT NG NAKATUWAD!!!!!!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved 2 d USA & married an American girl.

His English was far frm perfect, dey got along very well until 1 day he rushed into a lawyer's ofc & asked him if he cud arrange a divorce for him.

D lawyer said that getting a divorce wud depend on d circumstances & asked him d flwg questions:

L: Have u any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre & 1/2 & nice li'l home.

L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
P: It made of concrete.

L: I don't think u understand. Does either of u have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need one.

L: I mean. What r ur relations like?
P: All my relations still in Poland.

L: Is your wife a nagger?
P: No, she white.

L: Why do u want dis divorce?
P: She going 2 kill me.

L: What makes u think that?
P: I got proof.

L: What kind of proof?
P: She going 2 poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore & put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover".